Thursday's Thirteen

While my teens were gone to camp last week, I had time to reflect on how my life had changed since they entered a new phase of life. And so, here are...

THIRTEEN SIGNS YOU HAVE TEENAGERS IN THE HOUSE

1. There are thirty~seven messages in your voice mail and only one of them is for you.

2. The words "Mom can I borrow some money?" actually mean, "Mom, can I HAVE some money which you will never see again in this lifetime?"

3. You wash a dozen towels one day only to find them heaped in a damp, mildewy mess on the bathroom floor the next morning. This is especially true if you have teenaged girls, who think they have to use one towel for their bodies, one for their hair, and another to lay on the floor as a rug.

Note: Your requests that the aforementioned problem could be remedied by hanging the towels up are met with the same expressions of disgust you would receive had you asked them to wear someone else's dirty underwear.

4. You suddenly find out your father was right: Money doesn't grow on trees, you don't own the electric company, and an idle mind really is the devil's workshop.

5. If you get within ten feet of your teen's phone conversations, you are treated as if you have committed a privacy offense of Watergate proportions. However, if you are having a private conversation, your teenager's eavesdropping is "No big deal."

6. The bathroom cabinet is so cluttered with toiletries and makeup that you could supply the cast of a Broadway musical with makeup for a month, and yet...

7. ...the toilet paper roller is always empty. It's truly amazing that they can't figure out how to work this simple device, considering that they can run circles around mom and dad while programming the cell phone or the computer.

8. The shower or bath is cluttered with countless bottles of shampoo and conditioner of varying types~all about one quarter full of product.

9. Your spawn nags for chips and popcorn to nosh on, but is the first to blame you when she puts on a couple of extra pounds, because she claims you don't provide "healthy choices."

10. The whole family is constantly on the edge of being high due to fingernail polish and polish remover fumes.

11. You spend a bunch of money on clothing your teen wants because ten of her friends like it only to see it never worn again because one person sends what she perceives as a scathing look in her direction.

12. You drive them and their friends around so much you begin to feel like a chauffeur~except without the tips and the partition window you can roll up to shut out the noise and giggling.

13. Suddenly (and this one is a perk) when they come to your bedroom door and find it locked, they quickly retreat because they finally have an inkling of what might be going on in there~and they don't want to think about it!

Have a great Thursday!